Always Forgive Yourself

This is a piece I wrote furiously fast, in the middle of the night, 2 years ago. I feel it is still valid and wanted to share it with any and all of my new readers. Enjoy!

 

For the first few years of my life it was just my mom and I. She had to go back to work when I was 4 weeks old, because she thought she should… She didn’t have the resources or support to know that it was such a crucial time for our relationship to blossom. We still to this day cannot just find that solid medium to bond as mother & daughter.

Fast forward 25 years, and tonight when I was speaking with her on the phone, she told me she now knows and realizes how bad she messed up back then. She regrets it everyday and carries that burden into everything she does. At first, my thought was “Well good. At least I know you have guilt”. But the more I sit here and think about that, the more it pains my heart. I couldn’t imagine not being close to my son. Not holding him and smelling his hair. Not getting down on the floor and being silly with books and toys. Not being the one to tuck him in at night. It must just eat at her heart. I told her tonight for the first time ” When we know better, we do better mom. I don’t hold my childhood against you. So please don’t let it turn your heart sad any longer.” She ended up changing the subject because, I think that was just too much emotion for her to handle at once. Hearing that it is okay to forgive herself and knowing that she did better with my younger brother, than she did with me, was just too much emotion.

The point of this blog post is, I want any momma who has regret, who has pain from mistakes they can’t take back or mommas who don’t have support and do whatever they feel is right without advice or help; it is OKAY to forgive. Forgive yourself. Forgive for not knowing the “right way”. Forgive yourselves and always know that you will do better next time. Do not live in the past aching over the “I wish … I should have…”. You can’t change your past.. You can only know in your heart that you will do better next time and always keep learning and evolving.

Most of all know that you are loved, even if you don’t love yourself right now. Your child is watching and studying everything you do. Not because of this or that, but because they love you and want to know you. So don’t let yourself wallow in pity and guilt. Release yourself from the heaviness of your burden, because you are worth more than being sad, and holding resentment towards yourself. You created life, mommas. You can keep on keepin’ on. You will keep learning and growing right along with your child. This post may seem strange to some, but to the others I hope it helps you on your road to peace.

revised: 9/15/2014

Life Is A Blur With Toddlers

Oh man, how life has changed.

The last few months have been a complete whirlwind. From my boyfriend losing his job to downsizing in July, deciding to move to L.A from San Jose, having to give up my precious doggie. Plus, learning how to grow and relate to my little man during times of chaos, has been humbling to say the least.

Sometimes, I forget that A is only two and doesn’t have much reasoning capability or self control yet. He is basically a tiny teenager right now. In his world, if I don’t let him pour lotion into the toilet I am a tyrant, worthy of a good verbal lashing (in toddler speak, of course). Or if I can’t go to daddy’s work and make him come home I am just being a “meanie mama”.

Being creative in the way I explain situations to him has been key at avoiding tantrums. I have been speaking *with* him in a context that doesn’t encourage a “no” answer, but instead encourages him to use his words or actions. “Can you tell me why you feel sad?… Can you show me what you need? “

Of course my doTERRA oils help me along the way so much. It has been fun to watch A learn about the different smells and what the oils are used for. When he picks out his own, his body is incredibly intuitive as to which one he needs. For instance, when he is anxious or feeling down he chooses either Juniper & Wild Orange or Lavender and Wild Orange. At bedtime he likes a mix of Serenity, Orange, Vetiver with a little Breathe on his chest. (Follow the links above to learn more about each oil)

Being a busy toddler chasing mama is just part of what I do.

It is great to have a vision for the path that has been materializing in front of me through all of my struggles. It is a exciting time in my life right now. I get to start a new chapter of my life here in L.A (well, in the Valley for now). A few things going on with me are;  teaching a variety of doTERRA classes, starting a product line (more info soon), doula classes in the fall, and returning to work part time and creating an online forum (with my best friend) to unite like minded mamas.

Next post I will tell you how I corral my 2 year old while cleaning and making an awesome dinner recipe.

Stay tuned for more information on how to keep your sanity with tiny humans. (;

My Daily doTERRA Routine

One of the great things about doTERRA for me is, it’s not just a job and something I sell. Its something I live. Let me tell you a little bit of what I use on the day to day, just to give you a better understanding of what I mean.

I wake up in the morning and wash my face with the Reveal Facial system, put on a mix of frankincense, geranium with fractionated coconut oil on my face (instead of lotion). Grab my toothbrush and OnGuard toothpaste get a good brush in before Ro wakes up. Then I grab my mix of whole coconut oil and elevation and smooth it on the rest of my body. Apply a drop of citrus bliss on my big toe (each foot) as that is the reflex point to the brain. A little roll of InTune and I am ready for coffee. Oh, can’t forget my Life Long Vitality supplements(LLV) and my Mito Max. I wouldn’t make it to lunch.

That is just my morning routine. See what I mean when I say I live doTERRA? It is so much more to me than some company. They have given me independence to work from home and stay with my 20 month old son. It has given me knowledge to start and operate my own business. Best of all it has helped me feel healthy and well again. I no longer take over an hour just to get out of bed because my arthritis and fibro is killing me. I have enough energy to run around and play games and dance and sing and… live.

I am sharing all of this with you so you might understand a bit more about why I do what I do. You will be seeing a lot more about how doTERRA is helping me change my life and those around me. (:

Stay tuned for the next section of this blog. (Getting Through Mom Life With doTERRA)

For questions or more info you can contact me here:
Email- Amanda.Bonck@gmail.com
Store- http://www.mydoterra.com/loveandoils
Facebook- http://www.facebook.com/healingnaturally

Helpful Links:

http://www.aromaticscience.com/

http://www.everythingessential.com

Self Care Is Not Optional

If you would have told me 3 years ago that I wouldn’t even have time to pee by myself, I would have told you to kick rocks. I was the queen of solitude and taking my alone time whenever I felt like it. 90 minute showers were no stranger to me. An hour to do my hair was no big deal. Now, I am lucky to find enough time to shave my legs… Twice a month.

Everything minute of my day is spent either talking,teaching, observing, cooking, cleaning or nursing. Oh and there is that little elusive thing called sleep, I occasionally get to enjoy. Don’t get me wrong, I am the lucky one because I get to watch each step and change that Ro makes. I get to soak up all of his hugs, kisses and cuddles. 

Asking for help (or anything) has never been something I am good at or like to do. Not that I have too much pride, but that I feel as though I am not entitled to do so. That it is selfish of me to ask someone else to take care of my child or help with my house. But let me tell you what I learned. It’s not selfish to care about yourself. To be centered in yourself and who you are will make you better able to care for your child(ren) and grow as a person. 

It is still hard for me to ask for help, but I am learning it is a crucial point to being a good caring mother.

I mean who can be totally gentle with out a little alone wine time. (;

The Age Of Technology And Our Children

I feel like so many “older people”use the phrase- “When I was a kid…”. Well, when I was a kid we had to wait to see our grandparents or we had to call them on the phone. Or if people lived far away it was nice to send cards and things in the mail, and we were used to not seeing those people, except for on special occasions and vacations.

In this day and age, children have so many different options available to stay connected with their loved ones. They have Skype, Tango, Snapchat, Facebook, Google+ Hangouts, texting, email- the list goes on and on and there is always new social media being created.

My SO and I live in California, while all of our family and friends live in Michigan and Colorado. It used to bother me to think of my son growing up not being able to have a relationship with his extended family. Now I see though, he loves to Skype and use Tango. he will point to the computer and say “Amah Amah”(grandma on daddys side) or “papa papa”(grandpa on mommas side), to let me know he is thinking of them and wants to see how they are. He also loves to Tango on my phone with my dad. He will jabber and dance, then take my phone to show papa the apartment.

So after giving it considerable thought, I believe Ro will have a strong bond with grandparents and extended family through this new world of technology. No, we may not get to have Sunday breakfast at grandma and grandpas or visit his aunts, but when he is feeling lonely and misses them, he will have the ability to connect with them in a way that wasn’t available to the people of my generation and older.

To me, technology has the capability to destroy us, or take us to the next level of connected consciousness. Either way, it definitely helps my son build much needed relationships with his family, and gives them a chance to know who he is as well.

It will be interesting to see how much different the way his generation will connect with one another  when Ro is 10-13 even. It will become almost second nature to video chat, or send a video message to our friends and family.(For a lot of us this is already true.) Compared to my generation where things like that were just coming about, when we were 10-13 years old. (Or younger.. lol)

I am defintitely looking forward to seeing how technology is going to change and evolve, and with that the world. Hopefully for the better.

More to come in the Daddys Need Appreciation Too series. Stay tuned.

-A

 

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Dads Need Appreciation Too

As women we tend to want to jump in or hover when dad is playing with the children. Some of us may also have a hard time letting dad step in to enforce guidelines. We really should give dads a little room to breath, ladies. When I feel hovered over, it tends to make me feel anxious. That anxiety effects my emotions and definitely the way I interact with my son. So just imagine how daddy feels.

Though, I am certainly guilty of the hover and jumping in. It’s great when I just take a step back to watch Ro with Austin. It’s good for him to be handled differently sometimes. Or rather, by different people. Playtime with daddy is a little more action packed, and rough than play time with mommy. Spinning, jumping, being loud and running are among the favorite things they like to do together. Rough housing. While playtime with mommy is more like building blocks, puzzles, reading or cooking.

I know sometimes as an AP momma, it’s hard to step back. We should try to use those moments to gather ourselves or maybe even *gasp* take a shower alone, instead of gawking at your significant other toss the baby in the airtoohigh..again. I know, I know. Whoa, Amanda, slow down, you might say. It is true ladies, we can take a step back to let dad have his time without being hovered over and it will be great all around for everyone.

I think as super moms we forget all of the things that our significant others do for us and our children. In home and out. Even though, we feel like we have to nag them about the same things over and over, we forget (that for many of us) the daddys in our lives, work very hard. We should embrace them in their own way of connection, instead of trying to make them like us.

So while we sometimes want to jump in and “teach” our lovers how to do it best sometimes; just sit back and let them teach you. Maybe mommies could use a few rough house pointers. Or maybe even eat or shower with our own thoughts.

11 Ways I Use To Calm Down

Yelling. We’ve all felt the overwhelming parent guilt that comes with losing our tempers, and raising our voices.  Here are eleven ways I stop myself from yelling.

1.) Use a silly voice to make yourself sound (and feel) less angered.

2.)Dance around like a Gorilla. Really. Just try it, and I bet you won’t be able to keep the grin off of your face.

3.)Take a step away. Sometimes we have to take a moment to collect ourselves and just take a breath, so we can be the stable calm parents we strive to be.

4.)Get outside. It’s scientifically proven that spending time outside lowers stress hormones and actually promotes healthy cell regeneration.

5.)Use art. Break out the paints, markers, crayons, clay or whatever you have around and start creating.  Maybe ask your little one to make something describing how he/she is feeling. Or encourage your child to make something from their imagination. A seven legged cow, a purple sun. It’s okay to create things that aren’t “real”.

6.)Play with food. Aerro and I do this often. Get your little set up in their high chair and give them some mustard and ketchup to draw with. Let them “paint” with it, and see how the colors mix. If you want to have a real blast add pureed food for more color fun. If you have older ones, maybe try and bake some cookies or let them help out in the kitchen.

7.)Cuddle time. Sometimes all we need is a little extra love. It’s extraordinary what a few hugs and kisses can do. I know I feel amazing after my bud wants to cuddle on me, or my boyfriend wants to snuggle on the couch.   ;)

8.)Play with a pet. Animals have been shown to have calming effects on humans. When you are feeling stressed or maybe the kids are acting out, grab Spikes ball and head outside for some catch. If you don’t have a pet, maybe take the kids to the local pet store or animal shelter. If the weather is nice, try looking for a local petting zoo.

9.)Music. Never underestimate the power of music. Throw on some upbeat tunes and sing along. Even of you can’t carry a tune, you will start to feel your mood life in no time.

10.)Mantras and affirmations. Using mantras helps me from getting too caught up in bad feelings, and helps me find my center again. Recently I started using Sanskrit mantras, but a few English ones I use are; “I am calm and centered”, “This too shall pass”, “Life is exactly how I make it”. Find one that works for you and put it to use.

11.)Coffee. When in doubt, just take a moment to brew some coffee. If coffee isn’t your thing, try some lavender chamomile tea to calm your nerves.

We all handle our stress differently. Just remember it’s always okay to take a minute to yourself so you can reconnect to the outcome you wish for.